My Very Own Mustache

All of my life, I have been impressed by the majestic being that is the mustache.  A full, glorious mustache demands respect,  it is a sign of manliness, and usually an indication that the person is employed by a agency whose duty is to uphold the law.  Ah yes, the mustache with its many shapes, sizes, and designs. 

I have never been able to grow a mustache.  You see, Muellers are relatively hairless creatures that have to make their way through the world without the power of the mustache to help propel them along.  To say that this is a handicap is an understatement.  Never have I been able to enjoy the fulfillment of perfectly designed facial manscaping. 

Recently, a once in a lifetime opportunity presented itself that would allow me to live my dream and have my very own mustache!  The program was called “Rent a Stache” and this ingenious idea was a fundraiser put in place by a friend to raise money for LIVESTRONG.  My friend had been growing his facial hair for months to provide a full canvas to work with and the person who contributed the most to his LIVESTRONG account got to design the facial hair. 

Knowing that it would take a hefty sum of money to win such a coveted prize, I teamed up with my wife and another friend so we could pool our resources and come away with sweet, sweet victory.   The final hours of the competition were fierce as there were many people vying for the right to rent the stache, but we walked away triumphant.  Now the real work began.  With such an opportunity in front of us – how would we design our work of art? 

After careful consideration, my partners and I engineered the perfect blueprint. The mustache itself is designed in standard handlebar fashion.  On the chin, we chose to go with a skinny goatee with beads added to the end.  I am particularly proud of our creativity involving the sideburns.    They are to be Elvis style mutton chops with double spikes. 

The trip to Austin is this weekend and it will be the first time that we get to see our conception come to life.  While I may still not have the ability to grow much more than a five o’clock shadow, I now have the next best thing.